Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
