Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
