"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
