I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm always down for nudity.
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