I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
