she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
