so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize