$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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