You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
sex in a hospital.. check
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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