I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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