it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
