Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
