I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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