if i can run in heels then i can drive
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
