Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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