thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
