In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
