I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
