i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
