I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
