First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
