I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
