Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
