My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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