You were right. It hurts to walk today.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
