sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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