btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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