I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
