when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
