there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
