i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
