the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
