then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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