Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
