"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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