so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
