cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
