hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
