he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
