What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
