Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
