Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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