It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
