I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
