and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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