i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize