weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
