man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
