Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
