problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
