Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
