he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Quick, to the slutcave!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
