Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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